Ms. Cranky is most excited that people can get married who love each other no matter what their sexual orientation is. Love counts and a couple of friends of hers who have been together 27 together are now going to be able to legally claim their love! Wow. And, our Mayor Michael Bloomberg, ever the good businessman, has put out an open invitation to gay couples to come be married in our wonderful city, stay in our hotels, use our caterers and dining establishments, and hire a Rabbi, priest or Guru of their choosing.
But, living in New York City and trying to get around crowded areas can cause Cranky to be very, uhh, ‘unromantic’ so before the Mayor of New York City invites any more couples to be married here, a few ground rules need to be set down. Please don’t think Cranky isn’t all for love and marriage, she just sometimes needs to get someplace and if people are holding hands all over the sidewalk, it’s hard to navigate around them. There are two resolutions she wants to propose to the Mayor for possible promulgation.
Resolved: That there can be no hand holding in Times Square on weekends or at major holiday times. Ms. Cranky’s real sorry but if you’ve ever tried to get through to an appointment or a shop or to the theater when the area is crowded, you’ll understand. If you’re lucky, you can get around one person ahead of you but when there are two adults holding hands, swinging them in joy in fact, all starry-eyed and looking up and around at the bright lights and tall buildings, you just can’t get through. Cranky has a friend in a wheelchair and she sometimes accompanies him and his wife to the theater and getting through crowds at 7:30 at night, is agonizingly slow with or without a wheelchair. You could miss the whole first act.
Oh, Cranky knows you’ll say “But we came to New York for our honeymoon so of course we’re holding hands” and that’s nice, it really is. Cranky is thrilled for you and thrilled you chose New York over Des Moines or somewhere else. We very much appreciate and need the business. It’s a great town and we are glad you chose us and we love love but you’ll find more room to hold hands down in the Battery area. You could go down to the Battery and carry on all you want and see the Statue of Liberty while you’re at it. Or, wait, you could always go over to10th Avenue and hold hands --- just not in Times Square itself.
Or, come out between midnight and 8 a.m. and walk around --- now, that would work! And, don’t worry, there are lots of people out, it’s not ever deserted but it’s easier getting through the streets during those hours
We sincerely hope you have a great visit in our wonderful city and hope you might come back for future anniversaries.
Oh, and one more thing ---
Resolved: That there be no linking of arms of whole huge families in the Times Square area. Once again, we’re sorry to have to make this regulation and we’re so glad to have you here and, yes, we understand you’re from Nebraska and you’ve saved up for years to visit us (thanks, very nice) and you’re all thrilled to be in the middle of New York City as a family --- that’s lovely, that’s commendable even but if you get all excited and link arms, nobody can get past you. So sorry to have to say it. We hope you understand, and, of course, we do hope you come back.
All the best,
Ms. Cranky
With copy to Mayor Michael Bloomberg
August 11, 2011
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