Ms. CRANKY'S HAT, well, one of them

Ms. CRANKY'S HAT, well, one of them

Monday, August 25, 2014


A Ms. Cranky real, real short ---

Cranky thinks, without getting all new-agey and such, that omens are important in one’s life unless you get crazy and start seeing them in everything.  But, some omens Cranky feels are truly omens, like when she went to this health care provider --- in a fancy building, all gussied up, with fabulous doorbells and entry systems and buzzers galore but as soon as she walked in the door, she was greeted not only by a large plant right inside the door but she was greeted by a large and very dead plant.  Ms. Cranky, nervous about everything anyway and especially a new health care provider, thought –

"This does not bode well."  And later, she would wonder --- ‘why didn’t they just move the pathetic plant to the back, why would they have it greeting people at the entryway?  And, what are they trying to say???’

Omens can be silly, or a little too ominous, ha, ha, but in this instance, Ms. Cranky wished she had walked out of that particular place right then.  The plant said it all, though, in her obsessive care for growing things, she asked before leaving if she would be allowed to ‘work on the plant’ and they let her.

Water is always good for a dead plant, Cranky thinks, especially one with dead flopped-over leaves that should have been bright green but instead were brown or an even weirder burnt orange color? ,

Yeah, water works and, as a health provider, you’d think that might have occurred to the organization!?  And, then, Ms. Cranky asked to borrow a scissors and she cut off some of the dead leaves to give the tiny green part of the poor plant that was left a chance, and maybe not  horrify the next customer. 

Thanks, as always, for stopping by, Cranky would love to hear any similar stories.  Suffice it to say (to use a really trite phrase --- why not, it’s August?), Ms. Cranky did not continue her relationship with this place for long, she tried, actually, she tried valiantly but they answered their phones in the same manner they fed the plant --- like, by ignoring them.

It’s a wild and wonderful and nutty world and it helps to talk about it to one another.  Let me know your thoughts and stories.  Have a great end of summer.

And, remember to drink plenty of water and share it when you have a chance ---


Mrs. Cranky, August 22, 2014

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING (David Letterman’s new take on the phrase)

a Ms. Cranky short

Ms. Cranky likes David Letterman very much and his quirky, to her, most natural sense of humor.  Some of her friends disagree and Cranky herself really doesn’t like Dave’s Chris Christie weight jokes at all but otherwise she considers him a joy, a natural, un-contrived very original comedian. 

Take the other night; for instance, There has been a campaign in New York, hopefully everywhere, since 9/11 --- “IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING” --- the phrase is used on speaker systems on public transit, it’s on signs all over the city; we, again, maybe everywhere, but certainly in the New York area have heard it repeated for 13 years now. --- ‘if you see something, say something.’ --- makes sense to Cranky.

So, the other evening on late-night national TV, Ms. Cranky’s favorite talk show host was taking on the new hearsay that there could be bed bugs --- not anymore in the hotels of New York City --- but they might now be on subways.  So, Dave went on and on about this the way he does --- straightforward, gap-toothed, Paul from the band making his wonderful noises of agreement. (Ms. Cranky will miss Paul as well, he is so part of it all.)

Then, Dave showed a video they had made announcing a new city-wide campaign and Ms. Cranky who was not in a good mood at all, just about fell on the floor laughing. 

They had this video filmed inside a subway car and the announcer said over and over --- ‘If you see something say something”; then, they showed average citizens, dressed in their golf shirts for summer, etc. riding the subway and brought up the subject of the new threat of bedbugs.

And, the motto quickly changed from ‘If you see something, say something’ to “If you see something, SWAT something” and all these people in the video were shown running around the subway car holding fly swatters and swatting intently at the walls and windows. 

Remember --- if you see something (like dangerous or strange, a package left unattended, for instance) say something
And, if you see a bedbug --- SWAT SOMETHING.

Have a good day, everyone, it helps to laugh, it really does, life is truly incongruous and Cranky will really miss this late-night talk show host and his quirky most honest work. 

Swat away David Letterman as long as you can.  Ms. Cranky is so very appreciative.  

posted August 25, 2014, show aired maybe Wed. or Thurs. eve of last week

Monday, July 28, 2014


Ms. Cranky is just back from her idyll in the Adirondack Mountains where she goes each year to a writer’s retreat.  She is in a good mood --- so far.  She knew the mountain chain as a young girl and was always happy there and still is though she travels to a different section of the area now.  

It was a wonderful week, Ms. Cranky even did homework, a lot of homework and partied less (oh, well) and came away sad to go but full of good intentions, fervor and even a promise to her friends to get back to writing this column. 

And, then there was AMTRAK out of Albany, a train Ms. Cranky loves as it travels, seems to glide, along the brilliant shining Hudson River.  She was in such a good mood from her week of writing, friends and cookies when, of all the cars on the train and all the seats in the cars, a very young woman behind her  started shouting into her cell phone and crying at the same time, really openly and loudly sobbing.  

Ms. Cranky is very used to cell phone screamers, they are the bane of her existence in an otherwise beloved NYC and all its boroughs but she is not used to cell phone screaming on AMTRAK.  Late Friday afternoons when Ms. Cranky always comes back from camp are usually full of business people trying to impress you with their ‘big important’ phone talks, she hates that too but they do not cry. And on city transportation, cell phone screaming is simply accompanied by lots of swear words.

So, this particular abuse of cell phones in public and abuse of Ms. Cranky’s ears and peace of mind, had a new and very loud wrinkle, so to speak.  Ms. Cranky knew she could move to another car but why should she?  Her luggage was above and some cute guy had helped her get it up there!!!  Whew, and she and her friend were comfortably ensconced in their seats rolling along the glorious river.  

Comfortable, that is, until Ms. Histrionics began right behind her.  Why her, why???  “Of all the gin joints, etc.”  One of Ms. Cranky’s favorite quotes from Casablanca

Her friend tried to calm Ms. C. down and told her to ‘ignore it’ but that’s hard for Ms. Cranky being way too familiar with hysteria and people who work at making things worse than they already are, which is a ‘calling’ for some --- like the convent might be for others.

Ms. Cranky is very allergic to this behavior and can actually break out.  

Hysteria gets the person nowhere and Ms. Cranky feels that she has enough of her own problems so that when people throw theirs out in the world willy nilly, it’s very upsetting.  She has her life and her home and earning a living to worry about, not to mention a cat needing very expensive medicine, the Ukraine, Libya, Iraq and the impeachment of the President --- just to mention a few things.

So, after the fourth go-round of screaming and sobbing, Ms. Cranky walked two cars south, then five cars north, to find the conductor and get ‘rational information’, something the woman probably did not want because usually in cases like this, Ms. Cranky finds that the person wants to be in this place and to ramp it up even more.

The woman did not seem to know the name of the next train station to get off so Ms. Cranky walked through the whole train to get the proper information from the very attractive (either this was a good day for men or Ms. Cranky had been in ‘the woods’ too long) and walked back through the railroad cars to give the sobbing woman the information she probably could have retrieved from her very smart phone in two seconds if she had stopped wailing into it. 

This action on Cranky’s part quieted things somewhat because now there was ‘a solution’ but not for long because usually the upset people do not really want a solution.  They want to be upset and to drag you through the mud with them, if at all possible.

But, then, ahem, the very attractive, conductor Ms. Cranky had talked to came and did all the right things for the young woman.  And they all quietly ventured onward towards New York. 

Ms. Cranky wants to thank all the cute guys on the train (yet another would offer to help her get her bags down!), the sacred Adirondack Mountains and Ms. Cranky’s amazing writing retreat --- brilliant teachers, kind, funny and gifted students, smart helpful staff, great meals and, mostly, freshly baked cookies at each and every lunch. 

And, she thanks all at the retreat who encouraged Ms. Cranky to get writing again and she thanks God for the joy of coming home, no matter the home --- it’s full of flowers, lots of flowers, only one cat but this kitty so rich in love and joy of life makes Ms. Cranky laugh out loud.  She lies beside her desk as she writes this now.  She’s a ‘buddy, a true true bud.

And, so the rituals of daily life begin again, the things that Ms. Cranky loves --- refilling the water bottles, watering the plants (lots of water images --- hmm?). Home, blissful for now, home.  Cut off the yellowed flower leaves and spent blooms, put away things from the luggage, start supper, wash to do in a pile --- begin again, oh, yes, sacred again.

Ms. Cranky, Saturday, July 26th, 2014

Thanks for stopping by, sorry was away for a while, Ms. Cranky would say she was on ‘hiatus’ except that she abhors that over-used word, one of many words she used to love until every movie star on TV mentioned they had been on ‘you know what,’ --- starts with an ‘h,’ ‘venue’ being the last word, Ms. C. turned on, sad to stop loving a word --- it’s not the poor word’s fault!

See soon, have a great week.  Ms.C.