Ms. CRANKY --- ON WALKING TOO FAST

Ms. Cranky traveled to another city this weekend for a party and other fun things and found herself hurtling through the streets in her New York City way and saying, ‘pardon me, excuse me’ to the many people in this smaller city who were taking nice walks, talking with each other, even, shockingly, ambling.  Ms. Cranky couldn’t stand how slow everything seemed; didn’t these people want to get to where they were going?  Didn’t they know that walking was for going from point “A” to point “B” as fast as you could without, hopefully, knocking someone down in the process. They were behaving like those “Sunday drivers” on expressways.

On her second day away, Cranky found herself slowing down but not much, you know the old NYC philosophy --- do as much as you can at every minute, fill in all the spaces, don’t leave a second when you’re not doing, going, learning or attending some special event that ‘can’t be missed.’  But, sure enough, by the second day away, Ms. Cranky was walking a bit slower, looking around more and just imbibing the beautiful weekend. 

On her third and last day, Ms. Cranky actually paid for coffee!!!  Out, in one of those over-priced bistro places that are too cute for words.  Ms. Cranky prides herself on making fabulous coffee in her home with coffees mostly bought on sale and so, is a coffee snob and as many already know, very, very frugal (call her cheap if you must!).  But the place where she was staying had a problem this time, like Ms. Cranky thinks maybe her friend took the pledge against coffee in the few years she hadn’t stayed at her lovely abode.  Maybe she had 'gone on the wagon’ so Cranky was forced to go out and buy a cup of coffee and, she found herself, after the shock of the price, loving the big old round cup and, instead of doing her crosswords obsessively or reading something she ‘should be reading,’ Cranky just sat, she sat and sipped her quite-good coffee and didn’t take her reading materials out of her bag!

Instead, on a misty Monday morning, Cranky simply looked out the windows and actually stared into space.  She found herself not doing anything. And, by the time another friend came to pick her up to go to lunch, Ms. Cranky had made a pledge of her own --- to go back to New York City and Brooklyn which can be pretty rushed on its own, albeit in a sweeter, more tree-filled way, and she vowed that she would begin making SPACES in her life, spaces where she just sat and looked out a window or stared into space and let the clouds in the sky drift by. And she vowed to let the thoughts in her head drift in and out and she would drink a cup of coffee out once a week (that shouldn’t break the bank) and sit with her fellow citizens and just be, JUST BEEEEEE. 

Ms. Cranky thanks you for stopping by as always and especially on Tuesday, May 22, 2012.  It is Cranky’s dear friend Alyson’s birthday and she is so glad Alyson was born. 

Cranky hopes Alyson has a great, great day and gives herself all the spaces needed to dream of a well-deserved fine future.

Ms. Cranky --- see you next time!

 

THE ART OF ZEN BUS DRIVING

Ms. CRANKY had to get pretty far to a performance a few weeks ago and, as ‘luck’ would have it, it was a weekend when the subways near her house were being repaired and she would first have to take a ‘shuttle bus’ and, from there, two subways.

Shuttle buses are usually fine; in fact, sometimes Ms. CRANKY thinks they’re better than the subways.  But, this particular bus did not work that way.

First it was packed, packed and Ms. CRANKY who loves little kids got a bit tired of being hit by their action toys when they fell into her while their father was on his cell phone or IPod or one of those, totally ignoring his pokey children.

But, the worst part was, and this was a slow day for traffic, that the driver inched along, like truly innnched along and there was no traffic to speak of.  So, it became a looonnng way to the subway station, a long lightly-trafficked way but this driver, he had looked somewhat ‘monastic’ in hindsight Ms. C. thought, seemed to be lost in a meditative trance.  CRANKY couldn’t believe it as she hates to be late and always sets out real early but it looked like, no matter how much time she gave herself this evening, she could still be late.

Cranky wondered if she should say something, she wondered if the pale young man was ill or had he driven way too many packed shuttle buses that day and had simply zoned out?   Ms. C. wondered if she got close enough to him, impossible with this crowd, if she’d hear him intoning --- “OHM, OHM.”

Cranky, as those who know her know can attest, can be a bit restive and impatient at the best of times but she wasn’t this evening as she had given herself so much extra time to get to where she was going but as the bus painfully plodded along, she began getting a bit, well, nuts.

When they finally reached Borough Hall and the beginning of the next two subways, Cranky was very relieved.  She didn’t even mind that it poured rain on her as she finally made it to Bushwick and ran to her performance place where bunches of  artists were celebrating the first anniversary of a wonderful group of storytellers, a lovely place to be on any night but especially in the rain with a bunch of excited writers.

Yet, Cranky still wondered and she mentioned it in her piece that night --- what was it about that shuttle bus driver???  Is it even possible to drive a packed city bus, filled with every kind of person including children plunging toys into Ms. Cranky’s ribs, at such a slow speed???  Can one mediate while driving a large heavy ctiy bus?  And where did this guy come from???

How did he pass the MTA driving test? 

And, the most interesting question for Ms. CRANKY, remained --- how of all the shuttle buses in the entire city, did she get on this one???  HOW???  You know --- ‘Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, etc.’ (from the movie CASABLANCA).

To figure this whole thing out, Ms. Cranky may just have to put herself into a trance! --- Excuse me --- “Ohm, ohm. “

Ms. CRANKY thanks you for stopping by and warns you to be careful when you get on a bus --- if the guy is real slim with his hair shorn, maybe you should be careful --- wait for the next bus or get ready to meditate.

 

OF A BLOOMIN’ NEW YORK CITY

(on the Saturday eve before daylight savings time)

Ms. Cranky finds that some days everyone seems in utter despair and, then, on others, they’re quite cheerful.  Take the Saturday before Daylight Savings Time, for instance.  Ms. Cranky had an ordinary early March day when she had to go into Manhattan for a long meeting.  (By the way, Ms. Cranky’s volunteer activities are beginning to cost her a fortune – but, that’s another story!)

On the subway on the way in from Brooklyn, it seemed that everybody was talking to one another.  One conversation (Cranky thinks she might have started the whole thing by asking these guys what they were going to do with the antique shutters they were carrying?) began and from there it turned into several conversations and became lots of fun.

Then, after Cranky’s meeting as it was getting dark, the streets of Manhattan, from the 30’s up to the 60’s, were teeming, teeming with people and, though, you could hardly cross the street, Ms. Cranky quickly picked up the ‘spirit’ of the crowd though Ms. Cranky is still a little bit leery of crowds after her experience in December on the ‘Santa Claus Dress-Up-Day’ when she got walloped by a GIANT ELF on 7^th Avenue.

But, this night, Saturday eve,  was not like that --- people were loud and laughing and talking but sweet too or they were quiet like Ms. Cranky and ‘in awe’ as if they had never seen the lights of Broadway before  --- but, sometimes it’s like you’re all ‘new’ and it’s your first time and you’re spellbound all over again.   That’s how Saturday evening in the city felt --- surprising, wondrous.

And, Ms. Cranky treasures many subway stations for their music --- and is never disappointed in the “F, N,R” etc. station under Macy’s at 34^th and 6^th Avenue and that Saturday night, the musicians (with lots of horns) were tremendous, and the audience was so happy and moving and grooving.  This group really got into it and there was even a tuba player --- a tuba player.  Ms. Cranky sometimes tips just because the artist has to carry heavy equipment down into a subway station.  But, these guys were fabulous and Cranky’s real sorry she couldn’t get close enough get to find out the group’s name --- next time, promise!!!

Then, on the “Q” train Cranky was taking to do an errand before going home, this lone guy gets on with some type of horn and with perfect pitch plays these haunting gooey slow-dance songs accompanied by background music from some box he was rolling along the aisle.

Ms. Cranky ALWAYS vows to only spend so much money a week on tips because she doesn’t have as much work as usual.  But, this week was a tough one for tips. 

But, tip jar notwithstanding, Cranky feels honored to live in a city where you never quite know what’s going to happen next (which, as we all know, is not always good!) but sometimes it’s just one wonderful surprise after another! Ms. Cranky had been previously thinking that everybody looked pretty gloomy and down on their luck but that Saturday it all changed back and life POPPED UP and talent asserted itself and people carrying antique shutters started several conversations and, then, we all gave helpful tips to tourists. 

Life, positive life and music happened and for Ms. CRANKY, at least, the gloom was gone.  Musicians performed, people who weren’t musicians were friendly and talked and, like the crocuses coming up through the hard wet earth, New York on that Saturday late afternoon and early evening, BLOOMED, zoomed, flowered --- came up from under --- becoming all that it’s capable of being --- spirited, thoughtful, kind, funky, mysterious, talented, musical, colorful, funny, endearing and forever interesting --- a bouquet of spring flowers of its very own being.

Thanks for stopping by.

Ms. CRANKY, March, 2012

Ms. CRANKY --- COSI WAS COZY

Ms. Cranky had a wonderful day yesterday and wants to talk about it before she gets, err, cranky again.  First there was a recital in the Bronx of some students she and her friends taught, a storytelling recital, like true stories and it was beautiful and touching and funny and the students shone and there were cookies and good strong coffee.  So, Ms. Cranky was on a roll and she had had a roll earlier that morning but now it was lunch time and she was in Manhattan trying valiantly to avoid spending $8 on a sandwich (!) when she remembered that Cosi sometimes had a chili special on Wednesdays that was reasonably priced and filling so she stopped by --- but she wasn’t prepared for all the other neat stuff that happened to her.

The staff was wonderful --- welcoming and helpful.  When she asked a young man where she could get water (usually they give you a cup and point you to a machine you can’t figure out and the water tastes like iced tea), he quickly smiled and said --- “I’ll bring you a glass” and he arrived at her table with this huge cold glass of water.  Then the waitress delivered her order and refused to take a tip from Cranky --- “no worry” she said, “give it to someone else.”  She too was all smiles --- had Ms. Cranky died and gone to heaven over night?   --- A reasonably-priced healthy lunch, a huge glass of icy water, smiling help and someone in NYC who didn’t want a tip??? 

The whole experience was lovely.  No one rushed her, she could take her time and do her crossword; people at the next table entered into a conversation with her --- was she in Dallas, maybe?  They’re real friendly in Texas, she’d heard.  Or, maybe, Oklahoma?  Somewhere West?  Then, when she went to the counter on her way out to get a take-out carton for her left-overs, another delightful young man took her bowl from her, whirled it away and brought it back all ready to go home. 

Everybody was helpful, everybody was smiling.  Something was right with this establishment and Ms. Cranky can’t wait to go back which is why she will not divulge which Cosi it is for fear of ruining a good thing.  These victories are not won every day.  They need to be cherished and protected.

Have a great day everybody, 6 more weeks of winter but at almost 60 degrees, that’s not bad.  And, this is the time of year Ms. Cranky suddenly brushes up on her football information and becomes a huge fan.  After hours of watching her nephews and now grandnephews scrimmage and play, she can ‘talk the talk’ with the best of them but only chooses to do it once a year because she loves parties.  But, this SUPERBOWL is really exciting; she has never seen her town so giddy.  And, it’s fun to be part of it.  Too bad she has a dentist appointment the next morning; bad planning, so, she’ll have to tone down her celebrations ---- GOOOOO GIANTS!!!!

Thanks, as always, for stopping by.

Ms. CRANKY, February 2, 2012, Groundhog Day

MS. CRANKY ON A POSITIVE NOTE ABOUT, OF ALL THINGS, A TV SHOW!

Ms. CRANKY is a bit of a snob about TV but she does, in fact, own one though she knows that that is not exactly the ‘in’ trend these days.   And, she picks and chooses what she watches and marks up her TV Guide she gets in the Sunday paper.  If there’s nothing really good on, she’d rather read or cook.  (Of course, she should clean!)

So, when Ms. CRANKY saw one of those magazine shows called ‘What Would You Do?’ she turned up her nose --- ‘what is this ‘Candid Camera’ for the 2000s,’ she thought?   How silly.  She would never be caught watching it.

But, then one night, CRANKY came upon the show and turned around in her thinking.  Because she likes human beings and, as you know, she very much loves when they behave well.  So, this show has actors acting unpleasantly to one another in a public place; then, there is a secret camera or cameras somewhere picking up the reactions of ordinary people around them and often those people rise up and confront the offending parties.  It touches Ms. CRANKY’S cranky old heart and gives her hope for us all.

Ms. CRANKY recalls one segment that spoke to her where a woman (an actor) berated her daughter (an actor) in a department store for ‘not being attractive enough, for being fat, etc.’ It was a most painful segment for Ms. CRANKY to watch but, then, these good people began sneaking up and talking to the daughter and giving her encouragement and even telling her she was beautiful.  It was enough to break Ms. CRANKY’S pushover heart.  Then, the host, John Quinones, a very low-keyed affable guy, arrives on the scene and tells everybody what happened --- that the mother and daughter were actors, etc. and tries to find out why some people were brave enough to intervene and some not?

So, last Friday night Ms. CRANKY saw ‘What Would You Do?’ in the TV listings, and boldly turned it on, the first time she’d seen the show noted in a while and she found some very moving episodes --- a very drunk father about to get in his car with his young son and a drunk father about to let his son, 11 years old, drive etc. and people on the street actually physically stopped him from doing that.

And, a young worker in a supermarket was being verbally brow-beaten by his boss and people walked up and encouraged him and told him he was doing a fine job and some went and reported the unpleasant boss to the owner.

Hey, it makes CRANKY smile to think that there are people still out there who care and are willing to risk putting themselves on the line for another human being.  Congratulations on a very pleasant and revealing show.  It ran on Friday evening last week and probably will again this week.

Hey, Ms. CRANKY thanks you, as always, for stopping by and hopes you have a good and positive week. 

 Monday, January 23, 2012

MS. CRANKY’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

Ms. Cranky resolves in this sacred new year of 2012 to be extremely kind and sweet to people --- unless they walk into her bosom while reading their electronic devices.

And, Cranky truly resolves to stop envying thin women, especially those monsters who sit right across from you at dinner and eat everything in sight and when you question --- “do you ever have to diet?” --- they, oh, so casually reply --- “Oh, it’s in the genes, I can eat anything I want’”--- ouii, Well, good for you.  Ms. Cranky’s jeans are spelled with a ‘j’ and are a few sizes bigger than yours!

Ms. Cranky resolves to stop envying people with those big loving families.  Well, who knows how loving they really are?  She hopes a lot and thinks it’s a life’s goal.  But, Cranky has to stop envying those big loving families, you know like those people from Nebraska who walk through Times Square and hook arms?  Hmmm, or, maybe that’s it! --- maybe, in 2012, Ms. Cranky should move to Nebraska!

And, she wants to stop envying women who can wear horribly high heels and not fall on their noses and to stop saying things like ---“their feet are going to suffer in 15-20 years.”  Ouii, okay Cranky vows  to not say anything but still feels their feet will suffer and, maybe, earlier than 15 years.

Cranky resolves to enjoy the moment, the here and now and to ignore things that cause worry --- “will I?, won’t I?, will she, won’t he?, will I get that job?  Will my article be accepted, will the geraniums in the kitchen bloom before Valentine’s and, if so, will the salmon and red come out at the same time and clash?”  

And, to remember that old saying --- that sometimes ‘everything you need is right there around you.’

On this New Year’s Day, Ms. Cranky thanks God once again for some of her favorites --- the chortle of children’s voices and how they look stomping in tall rubber boots; cats, dogs, birds, butterflies; skies, clouds, seas, lakes, swimming pools --- and, horseradish.

Thanks for stopping by.  Happy New Year everybody.

Ms. Cranky

January 3, 2012

THE CASE FOR HOLDING CHRISTMAS PARTIES UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS WHEN Ms. CRANKY REALLY NEEDS THEM

Ms. Cranky will, once again, make her annual plea for not having Christmas parties at Christmas time although, so far, no one has much listened to her which makes her pretty, umm, ‘cranky.’

Ms. Cranky thinks that there are just too many parties bunched up at once and she can’t possibly go to three parties a night though she steadfastly tries.  Ms. Cranky’s philosophy and some of her family too is ‘never miss a party.’ So, she tries valiantly, clambering around town and up and down tiers of steps.  But with all these parties jammed together, she can’t possibly steal (er, ‘borrow’) Christmas cookies fast enough.

Now, Ms. Cranky wants to be clear about her Christmas cookie ‘thing.’  She doesn’t actually steal them.  She just helps herself to a few extra cookies on her way out the door and she carries her own ‘baggies’ to put them in.  But, Ms. Cranky, raised in a religious environment, also has stringent rules for her borrowing of cookies:

Like, she doesn’t steal from non-profit organizations or from someone’s home. She mostly uses her baggies and aluminum foil and coat pockets (though that can get pretty crumby, so to speak) to steal cookies from major corporations.  They can afford it.  But, if it’s a private home or a non-profit organization, she might ask the host or hostess if she could take a few cookies ‘for the road (er, subway).’  In truth, Ms. Cranky doesn’t eat a lot of sweets but she truly cherishes Christmas cookies and was once quite a baker herself. She still has little cookie cutters around to show for it but how can one bake in a Brooklyn kitchen???

But, mostly, Ms. Cranky wants Christmas parties held after the Christmas holiday season because she does not do too well during those long cold gloomy months of January, February and March.  So, if people held Christmas parties during those months, when they weren’t so busy and when Cranky and probably three-quarters of the human race really needed a good party, it would all work very well. 

But, Cranky has been gnawing on this old bone for years and, so far, not many people have budged; one couple she adores a few years ago gave a wonderful and relaxed party in mid-January and Cranky was all cranked up to go to that one and had a wonderful time.

But, actually, Christmas is the time of year you’re supposed to be sweating in overheated department stores, being sneezed on and pushed around by your fellow citizens in order to buy gifts that nobody really needs, you can’t afford and that will probably only be taken back anyway.

And, then you also have to use that Christmas party time to stand in long Post Office lines, waiting for those little yellow lights to blink or beep and then when they blink or beep, everybody starts hollering at you --- “over there --- no, go thaaat way --- go to window #12, no, go to # 6”, turn right, no, no turn leffft!” --- and, you’re so terrified you become like a deer in the headlights of the front of the Post Office Line --- wide-eyed and frozen in fear. 

Besides, you can’t go to Christmas parties at Christmas time, because at the Post Office you are once a year treated to dry packing tape that is accompanied by a weird little faded red moist (Ms. C. hates to think) sponge in a funny round glass bowl.  Every time, Cranky sees that bowl with that old sponge, she thinks of her mother and her aunts sending “care packages” overseas during World War II and thinks they probably used the same bowl.

So, a quick recap --- there are the gifts nobody needs and you can’t afford, the sneezing fellow citizens, the Post Office with its many scary scenes but, mostly, Ms. Cranky needs Christmas parties or anything even resembling any kind of party in January, February and March --- those icky months with nothing but flu and boots that leak. 

Ms. Cranky believes that many of you out there feel the same about Christmas parties in early winter and that we should form a movement --- but in this movement, we will not tent!  That’s  for sure.

Thanks for stopping by.  Ms. C. wishes you and yours the joys of the season, the real joys, and hopes you see lots of beautifully colored lights and breathe in good pine (and baking-cookie) scents.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011