Ms. Cranky, AN APOLOGY

 I’LL BE BACK TOMORROW AND THANKS FOR STOPPING BY

So, so, sorry but Ms. Cranky has been away for a week on a wonderful adventure.  She will post more tomorrow. Cranky is sorry if you felt deserted or that she had leapt into the river or something.  Oh, no, never --- we have to fight a bit hard to get to the life we want but eat a protein bar or whatever and just keep fighting or ‘keep trucking’ as they once said, which Ms. Cranky never understood but pretended to be ‘cool’ and with it so she never asked?!

Anyway, Ms. Cranky background --- after years of threatening to jump the Brooklyn Bridge, one year walked across it with her guests from England and found that there would be no dramatic plunge into the river from that wonderful bridge, but, that if she jumped, she would land on a Toyota or a Prius or something --- a very unromantic way to go.  So, it was better to stay in the 'fray' and, if you can’t figure it out, just enjoy the parts that work.

More tomorrow about Cranky’s time away in the brilliant Adirondack Mountains at a Writers’ Retreat. Ms. Cranky had a fabulous time as always, had a brief ‘love affair’ with a totally unfaithful chipmunk, and just came from the doctor’s office as her whole body is covered in bug bites.  But, it’s nice to know someone or some species loves you!   But, still, the Adirondack week is the highlight of Ms. Cranky’s year and some years the bugs behave better! 

And, soon, Ms. Cranky will be back to writing about urban life.  When she got off the train in Penn Station only a few nights ago, it was like Ms. Cranky went away for but a week and while she was away everyone really practiced how to act their worst --- is that possible?  Maybe Cranky is still clinging to her woodsy ‘ohm, ohm, thing’ --- you know what I mean?  Except for the guy by the subway turnstiles (a true ‘hunkaroonee’) who helped her get her bags through.  Ouii.  And, where did he disappear to???

Ms. Cranky thanks you for stopping by or just peeking in.  She prays that today someone was wonderful to you --- a shopkeeper smiled or a stranger on the street.  When Cranky went to get her myriad of bug bites cheeked at her HMO, the assistant was so nice, she almost cried. It seemed the assistant really cared and she smiled and was lovely --- how hard is that to do?  

And, you know, Cranky needs to get the assistant’s name and write one of those commendation cards.  It’s important to do.  People should be rewarded for their good and kind work and, maybe, in time, it could become a habit --- how fabulous would that be???

 79 degrees tomorrow or, so, ‘they’ say --- is that even possible? Cranky has a list of work projects if it’s true.  More tomorrow.

And, thanks again for stopping by.  You rock, you.

Ms. Cranky, August 2, 2011

Ms. Cranky WAS HAVING A NICE LITTLE LUNCH

One day this spring Ms. Cranky gave herself an afternoon off; it was a Friday, with lovely lilting weather.  She treated herself to a late lunch at a lovely little restaurant in the hood. There are more and more great lunch specials.  This place served light, healthy food but it was plentiful, under $7, with yet a doggie bag to take away and the atmosphere was sleek and quiet.

Ms. Cranky got all calm and happy.  It takes very little to please her. While she lunched, she read and started to work on an article. There were a few other people, friendly guys working a city road crew, quietly talking at other tables up the way.  Everyone seemed to be in a good mood.  Why not?  --- It was a beautiful spring Friday late afternoon.  Cranky sat near the front window where there was lots of light.  All was serene.  The weekend would be busy as usual but this was Ms. Cranky’s time.

Then, a small woman opened the door, screamed across the long space to ask if she was still in time for the lunch special and Cranky means this woman really screamed. And, though there were many empty seats all around, she plopped, literally, down next to Ms. Cranky and threw her huge heavy purse just about onto Ms. C’s lap.  She like hauled it over a banquette or whatever those things are called.

The woman, small in stature, big in tone, wanted the window behind her closed --- and she wanted it closed immediately.  She wanted this for lunch and that for a drink; everything she wanted was shouted even when the waiter stood right in front of her.  But, usually she chose to communicate with him by hollering from her seat to the farthest end of the bar where he was valiantly trying to place orders.

Suddenly, Ms. Cranky’s happy reverie was over.  It was hard to concentrate on writing or even on the newspaper.  Then, the woman pulled out her cell phone and screamed into that with great anger --- but, of course.  Then, she decided that she not only wanted her window closed, she wanted Ms. Cranky’s window to be opened.  That’s when Cranky finally spoke up and said that she was very happy with the window the way it was.  It was still cool outside; the wonderful soft sunlight was enough for her.  And, Cranky must again reiterate that there were many other seats the woman could have conquered; the place isn’t huge but fairly spacious for the area.

By now, Cranky was rushing as fast as she could to finish her lunch and get out of there; she felt pushed out and she was.  Her great Friday afternoon lunch treat to herself was quickly ending, her thinking time eradicated.  It was like a tiny fierce tornado walked into the restaurant and blew everything asunder.  Even the guys over on the other side, the guys who had been working on the street were looking over at Cranky and making ‘I-understand-sympathetic faces’.  Cranky was grateful for that.

And, when Ms. Cranky went up to the end of the bar to pay her bill, the waiter said “Please, please --- stay, relax, keep reading your paper, she always does this” but Ms. C. murmured that she had errands to do.  She didn’t say that it was no fun being there anymore but it wasn’t.

The woman, though small in stature, had entered a peaceful lovely establishment and virtually bull dozed its peace --- just like that.  And, then, while Ms. Cranky  was still at the bar paying her bill, the woman slid across the banquette and took over her seat --- but, Cranky’s purse was still there, her shopping bag, her doggie bag, her beloved new spring jacket hung over the back of the chair across the table.  The woman simply pushed all of Cranky’s things aside and moved over.

The very sweet and usually mild-mannered waiter witnessed the ‘take over’ of Cranky’s table and her things and actually hollered to the woman --- “Wait, you can’t do that; this woman hasn’t even gone yet, leave her things alone.”

But shortly after that, Ms. Cranky emerged onto the street gasping for air.  Bull dozer, tornado, call it what you will.  The woman had pushed her out, upset the other customers and left the poor dear waiter to deal with her.

Sometimes, Ms. Cranky thinks it would be great if she were a bit more assertive in asking for what she wants but this was not that situation, this was not about a woman being assertive.  This was about a woman who knew how to clear a place.

Ms. Cranky on PARTIES BEFORE NOON (YEY!) AND INCORRECT CHARGES ON RECEIPTS

Ms. Cranky had a wonderful weekend, the murky humid hot cloudy days were over for a bit and for two whole days, there were blue skies, sun and soft lilting breezes and she tooled around between her little ‘odd jobs’ getting in supplies for the house and inadvertently walked right into the Grand Opening for a new paint store, yes, paint like Ms. Cranky’s apartment sorely needs. 

The Grand Opening of the paint store was with lots of people she knew from the neighborhood, complete with politicians and civic leaders, a red ribbon cutting, beautiful little children and champagne like at 11 a. m. on a Saturday morning!  And, even more so, lots of little hors d'oeuvres (now there’s a term Ms. C. always has to look up for spelling!).

Cranky is trying valiantly here not to mention the handsome waiters delivering all this food and drink on trays but she can’t resist (the woman waitperson was lovely too!).  And, to be so handsome so early in the day!  How do they do that?  The event with pleasant people, a lovely shop, funny and wonderfully short speeches, food and drink, all put Cranky in a great mood for dragging her groceries home.

When she got home, she, as always, after putting things away, went carefully through her receipt to check charges.  There are many incorrect charges on receipts but Ms. Cranky (unlike some upsetting people) doesn’t like to hold up lines while she checks them in the store, so waits until she’s home.  Then, sometimes it’s enough to make her cry. 

There was just one mistake this time and, though Ms. Cranky does not like to think of herself as cheap because she isn’t.  She, of necessity, has to be frugal.  She had bought a loaf of bread, decent bread costs a lot of money these days, Cranky finds.  It’s close to $5 for the healthy stuff so she always looks for the packages with the bright red $2.50 or $2.99 special labels and goes with those.

But, though she had gotten bread Saturday with the $2.99 bright red sticker on it, she was charged $4.69 for it.  At first she thought it must be her mistake, she must have picked up the wrong loaf of bread but when she went into the kitchen to look, there was the big bright red $2.99 sign.  C. hates taking things back at all and fears seeming a ‘bother’, but, mostly, she hates a bad attitude from a store manager when she has to take something back.  It can feel like you’re the one who’s wrong, that’s how some managers make you feel

But, she couldn’t let this go, it was almost $2 and she’d rather donate it to a mariachi band on the subway!

So, in her wanderings later, she stopped back in the supermarket, showed the bread with the $2.99 sign on it and the receipt which had charged her $4.69.  The manager seemed sullen (maybe, Cranky was reading into it but she doesn’t think so).  Well, he certainly wasn’t pleasant, let’s put it that way.  He took her things away into his office to check his books so now she felt like she was really wrong.  But, the books must have checked out correctly because he came out from the office and, without a word, handed Ms. Cranky her receipt and package back, went to the cash register, pulled out the money she was owed and handed it to her with this angry look on his face (again, maybe Ms. Cranky was imagining this but she doesn’t think so, it had happened before).  He did not speak to her and certainly did not offer an apology, not a word was said.  Ms. Cranky, who is a sensitive soul, left the supermarket feeling like she had done something wrong, like she had charged the incorrect price. 

But, as her friend Phil always says about these ‘mistakes’ on receipts --- “You know isn’t it funny that the mistake is never in favor of the customer?”  Phil will make Cranky feel better about all this and she thinks too, after years of similar occurrences, though the store is ‘convenient’, she’s not going to go back there anymore.   There’s gotta be an easier way, don’t you think, readers?  And, a kinder way to treat a faithful customer.

Ms. Cranky and ALL THIS “NATURAL STUFF”

Ms. Cranky likes the word ‘natural’ as much as anybody; she is not a fake plasticy kind of person.   She cleans with simple safe products and has done so for years.  But, sometimes she does wonder how far this natural thing can go?

Like today, for instance, Ms. C. called up a company that made a product she was using that she was worried about and they quickly said “Don’t worry, it can’t hurt you, IT HAS ALL NATURAL INGREDIENTS!”  Ms. Cranky thanked the woman, hung up the phone and thought --- ‘so is deadly nightshade natural, so is a rattlesnake sunning himself in the woods’.  But, you don’t eat deadly nightshade and you hope never to step on a rattlesnake --- ouii.

Cranky feels that natural is good and surely a lot better than phony but Ms. Cranky has to wonder how far to carry this thing?

Like the woman in the Laundromat where Cranky goes --- a dinky little over-crowded Laundromat with a myriad of problems --- you could get clobbered over who’s next for the dryer.  It’s a battle, one Cranky dreads and puts off, though she loves the staff and the Laundromat is kept very clean. It’s just too small for all the people who come there and especially with some people thinking they are more important than the rest of us, if you get Ms. Cranky’s drift.

But one day at the Laundromat, this woman was blithely spraying something all over the place as she took the stains out of her laundry there in a public place instead of at home.  Ms. Cranky always gets nervous around sprays, some are really toxic and she avoids them when at all possible so she was ducking around under the folding tables trying to get away from this woman’s spray coming at her face and, finally, asked the woman what was in the can?

“Oh, it’s nothing, just stain removal but it’s all SAFE, it’s all “NATURAL!” the woman quickly retorted --- there goes that word again.  And, Cranky thought while rolling her cart home hoping not to drag her tee shirts on the ground if she hit a bump --- ‘but, all natural isn’t good or they wouldn’t have lists of poisons to avoid, plants your pet shouldn’t go near, foods that taste great but, if you’re allergic, can just about kill you’.  ouii.

“Natural” --- Ms. Cranky wonders if the term is being overused in our current society and how she, we, can get some bearing on it, some correct definition.

So, she’d love to hear your thoughts on this word and whether all products saying natural are truly safe to squirt in someone’s face?

Thanks for stopping by, it’s always a pleasure to talk with you.

Old Ms. C.

Ms. Cranky on BACKWARD RECYCLING AND BIKES ON SIDEWALKS

Ms. Cranky has problems with some of the ‘gentry’ who live in her once-humble neighborhood and pay huge rents.   But, though they must have good jobs (or parents!) to afford these rents, they don’t get some simple things straight ---.like recycling.  Some of the gentry puts the paper recycling in the bottle and can barrel and vice versa.  So, Ms. Cranky who totally believes in recycling ends up spending a lot of time rearranging the barrels so that sanitation will even take the stuff, which, of course, makes her crankier than ever!!!

I mean, look at it this way --- if you can’t read, you can always look at the pictures on the side of the trash bins and get the general idea.  The pictures on the side are also of different colors.  A small child could figure it out.  I mean, Cranky feels really touched that these new people go to the trouble to put all their same papers and bottles together, they do do that, but then they reverse the bins so it’s ultimately of no value.

Ms. Cranky also gets real cranky about grown men (women too) riding their bikes on the sidewalk, going full speed when there are lots of old people and couples with babies in strollers on that same sidewalk.  Besides, there are just ordinary people hoping for a walk and not looking to be clobbered in the process!  First, it’s totally illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk, but, then, wouldn’t if just make sense that you didn’t ride your bike on a crowded city sidewalk?  Are we asking too much here?

Ms. Cranky tries to be forgiving and says “Oh, maybe they just moved from Kalamazoo, Michigan and they don’t know the rules here yet” but, still, even if you just moved from Shangri-La, you could probably figure out that you shouldn’t be riding your bike on a sidewalk.  So, Ms. C. hollers out to the bicyclists, mostly men, but they usually don’t hear her because they have those white things dangling from their ears so Ms. C. has shouted her lungs out for nothing.

And, when they do hear her, they sometimes holler back the most appalling words!  Ouiii.

One guy Ms. Cranky hollered at who didn’t have those white things in his ears, pulled up and asked her if ‘she thought she was the Mayor or something?’  Ms. C. retorted --- “No, I’m just someone who needs to work and can’t afford to be hit!”

Ms. Cranky has no desire to be Mayor --- too much work and anyway she’s not a millionaire though she does admit to coveting the beautiful tulips in City Hall Park this spring and also loving the old gas lamps near the fountain but Ms. Cranky can always go visit the lovely park as a citizen of this wonderful city.

Talk to you later and thanks for stopping by.  Remember to be especially careful walking along and when you cross a one-way street always look the opposite way too.  Both cars and bikes often go in the opposite direction because it’s convenient for them (if not for your poor nerves!)

Talk to you next time!

Ms. Cranky

WHO ‘MS. CRANKY' IS

Ms. Cranky is a person who truly loves life, people, city streets and public transportation.  She is generally in a good mood so when she gets cranky it’s because the train doesn’t come or is so crowded she can’t get on without being hit by a giant back pack. 

But, she really gets cranky when people aren’t aware of the people around them, when they’re not thoughtful and, sometimes, out rightly rude.  So, that is what this column addresses --- how we hurt each other and make life so much harder than it needs to be when it’s just so easy to be thoughtful  and, dare I say, loving, well, maybe thoughtful is enough ---  Ms. Cranky doesn’t want to push it here!

Ms. Cranky on JUST 'ROLLING' ALONG



Today was a no-brainer, a real easy day, even the Metrocard machine worked without sending Ms. Cranky’s charge card back innumerable times.  So, Ms. C. was on a roll, until she tried to get a roll at a place in Penn Station that advertised --- “We now have peanut butter!” on a big sign.  Ms. Cranky was on a trip out to Long Island to help teach with a friend.  She needed some sustenance for the train so ordered a roll, there were a gazillion rolls in a case right in front of her and she ordered a multi grain roll with the thus advertised peanut butter.

The woman at the counter said --- “You have to go to the other counter for peanut butter.” So Ms. C. dutifully went to that section, ordered a ‘multi grain roll with peanut butter’ again and the guy at the second counter said --- “You have to go back to that counter, pointing to the first counter, for multi grain rolls, we only have white here.  So, Ms. Cranky went back and got a multi grain roll (why are they separated?  Are they catchy?)  But, then back at the second counter, they couldn’t find the peanut butter at all so Ms. C., still not grumpy because she loves getting out of town, ordered something else.  To tell you the truth, the whole thing was silly as Ms. Cranky has her own peanut butter at home and would never have ordered it if it hadn’t been for the big sign hanging over her head.

The above situation was not really aggravating but a curious person like Ms. C. has to wonder --- ‘Why would they bother having a sign advertising peanut butter if they don’t have any?  And, why would that particular sign be hanging above the counter that only holds multi grain rolls and not peanut butter? And, why are the whole grain rolls in a separate area from the other rolls so that the orderee has to keep running around?’ There were enough rolls in this place to sink several ships. And, she wondered on --- ‘Why are the poor cute little round rolls kept from each other and how is the ordinary buyer supposed to figure this all out?’

But nothing was going to spoil Ms. Cranky’s day --- no way, because she was excited to be going out to Long Island, an area she doesn’t know well and she loves seeing new things. 

On the train, Ms. C. ate some of her roll which did not have, of course, peanut butter on it when a large woman sat down beside her and began screaming at full throttle into her cell phone.  We weren’t even out of the station yet and Ms. C. always hates listening to other people’s calls --- and, why should she???

The woman was screaming to her mother who probably could have heard her without the aid of the phone and when she lost her signal, she got more upset and looked to Ms. Cranky for help.  Help?? --- are you kidding, help you pollute the world?  If you’re bleeding, I’ll help, if your husband is Arnold Schwarzenegger, I’ll be glad to listen to your problems but to help a yelling woman keep on yelling? --- No, no!!! 

Ouuiii.  And, to think that Ms. C.  thought she had left all the screamers in the Walgreen’s in Brooklyn where they seem to follow her from aisle to aisle so she gets so befuddled she can’t use her coupons. But here Ms. Cranky was on the hallowed Long Island Railroad going to the great suburbia of the world but, no, still she seemed to be followed by the Walgreen’s women, though this time in a lot larger frame but with the same outcome and attitude ---‘ I will scream my life in public and you’ll  just have to listen.’  Cranky was so upset that she couldn’t even eat her peanut butter-less roll.

But, that’s minor, that’s how the new world works and how people show us their ‘power’ --- their power to take over several aisles of a train with their loud, personal, often angry, drivel.  Ms. C. often wonders why so many people on cell phones are angry.  Is it the electronic vibes?  Do they permeate the angry part of the brain?

But, Ms. Cranky soldiered on as she is good at doing, taught a really good class (hopefully, she loved the students) and set out for home.  On the train back, there were only minor mishaps --- a young woman talking but not screaming so that every word was apparent only for several rows.  (You know these days you have no time for your own thoughts because you’re being bombarded by someone else’s.)

When Ms. C.  got up from her seat to walk back and see what this young woman looked like, the couple in front of the cell phone talker looked up at Cranky with this “Help Us” plea on their faces but, you know, everybody has to be in on this, everybody has to speak up, not just weird Ms. Cranky.  Why is she the only one, and, then when she speaks up everybody says ---- “Thanks, thanks, oh, that was so upsetting” --- well, if it was sooo upsetting, then why didn’t they speak up in the first place? 

But, you’re all welcome to borrow Ms. Cranky’s time-honored screaming cell phone ruse --- “Excuse me, please, but I have a horrible migraine headache today and I wondered if you might lower your voice?  The pain is intense.  Thanks so much.”   Not bad, huh?

Hey, thanks for stopping by.  See you next time.

In hopes for a peaceful, kind, joyful life,

Ms. Cranky